


We Can Take Our Time

by ReasonToSmile



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5054209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReasonToSmile/pseuds/ReasonToSmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<em>A sad melody welcomed Peter as soon as he opened the flat door.</em></p><p>  <em>Balthazar was there in the couch, guitar in hand. He played a couple of chords, then stopped to write on the notebook next to him. ‘So writing’, Peter thought.</em></p><p><em>Three days had gone by since Ben had uploaded the unedited footage of <em>Stay</em>, and Peter had barely seen Balthazar in that time. He left the flat early in the morning for class and came in minutes before curfew. The rest of the time he spent it locked up in his room, so Peter was glad to see him outside for once.</em>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Tell Me That You're Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Another Pedrazar fic! Because apparently this is what I do when I can't deal with canon.  
> This story is set a few days after PUNISHMENT. Take note that by the time the next episode is uploaded, this will be canon divergent.  
> Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Lovely Little Losers, NMTD or their wonderful characters.  
> The Title and Chapter Titles are taken from 'Stay'

A sad melody welcomed Peter as soon as he opened the flat door.

Balthazar was there in the couch, guitar in hand. He played a couple of chords, then stopped to write on the notebook next to him. ‘ _So writing_ ’, Peter thought.

Three days had gone by since Ben had uploaded the unedited footage of _Stay_ , and Peter had barely seen Balthazar in that time. He left the flat early in the morning for class and came in minutes before curfew. The rest of the time he spent it locked up in his room, so Peter was glad to see him outside for once.

He stood in the kitchen doorstep quietly, not wanting to disturb his friend, who’d started playing again. It was the same melody as before, although it sounded even sadder if possible. He heard Balth mumbling the lyrics, but he didn’t catch a single word.

Balthazar stopped after a few minutes and looked directly at him.

“Hey” he muttered with a tiny smile.

“Hi. What are you up to?” Peter asked uncomfortably.

“You know” Balthazar started, “just playing with some lyrics I had in my head.” He left the guitar against the couch and tucks his hands inside his sleeves.

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Writing songs, I mean.”

Balthazar looked up and all Peter wanted to do was sit next to him and give him the tightest hug he’d ever received. He stood still.

“I’ve had a lot in my head lately.” It was the way he said it, like he actually meant ‘ _you’ve been a lot in my head lately_ ’. It confirmed the theory Peter had been building in his mind the last couple of days. 

He was the one Balthazar’s songs talked about. At least for the last few weeks.

‘ _Why did I not notice this before? How did I not see it?_ ’ He asked himself, feeling the need to hit himself in the face. He made a decision. ‘ _This stops now._ ’

“Music’s good for that, right? For letting go of the things that cloud your mind” Peter said staring at the guitar next to Balthazar. He continued without letting his friend answer. “But maybe it would be even better if we actually talked it out for once.”

Balthazar sighed.

“Maybe.”

Peter crossed the room in a few steps and sat next to him. What followed were a few minutes of radio silence from both of them. Neither of the guys knew how to start the conversation that was pending since November last year.

Peter knew Balthazar would not talk until he did, so he decided to start with the easy part.

“I’m sorry for getting you in this mess. I should have deleted the unedited video. I wasn’t expecting Benedick to look through the footage” he apologised.

Balthazar dismissed it with a shake of his head.

“It’s not your fault. Neither of us thought of it.”

“But it was my fault that the footage existed to begin with. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. Not without a warning, and definitely not with the camera recording everything.”

Balthazar didn't answer, instead deciding to bit his bottom lip.

“But it’s not like it was a real kiss anyway, right?” Peter raised his voice a little. He was getting defensive, spooked by Balth’s silence. “Our lips barely touched. You pulled away before it could turn into something.” 

It sounded a bit like an accusation, which made Balthazar jump.

“I didn’t want it to be like that!” He raised his voice, annoyed at Peter. “What was that anyway? Why would you say that I had ‘potential’?” He asked, using air quotes. “What does that even mean?”

“It didn’t mean anything! It was stupid. I don’t get why you’re so caught up about it” responded Peter, rising to his feet and walking away from the sofa.

Balthazar got up and walked after him, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.

“I had just told you, a few minutes ago, that I wasn’t interested in anything casual. And then you go and kiss me, disregarding my feelings completely. Saying that I have potential. Like, ‘ _I’m not actually sure I like you, so I won’t commit to anything yet. Let’s just make out until I figure it out_ ’.” He made a deep voice, trying to imitate Peter. I would be funny if the situation wasn’t so tense. “What if you decided that, after all you didn’t want to be anything more than friends? I’m not putting myself through that.”

“I didn’t mean that! I wasn’t- I was not trying to figure anything out. I wanted to be with you! I told you that!” Peter yelled.

“No, you wanted to be with _someone_. You missed being with someone. Well, that’s not going to be me. I’m not your little back-up plan.”

“I was talking about you” Peter said, lowering his voice again. “When I told you I wanted to hold somebody’s hand, I meant yours. I just didn’t think I had a chance.”

“Why did you kiss me then?” He sat down and looked up at Peter.

‘ _I could never get tired of Balthazar’s face_ ’ Peter thought, looking at his friend’s open and vulnerable expression. His eyes glowed with an intensity he had not seen before. It amazed Peter, how pleasant his face was. No matter how angry, scared or frustrated he was –and there had been quite a lot of that recently- Balth’s face was always calm.

“I realised we were singing about us” he said. “I wasn’t wrong, was I? It was about us.”

“You weren’t wrong” Balthazar conceded. He groaned and hid his face in his sleeve-covered hands. “God, this is a mess.”

Peter nodded in agreement and sat down next to the distraught boy. He wanted to put his arm around his shoulders and tell him everything would be okay, but he didn’t think it would be very well received.

“You know, if you had tried to kiss me last year, I wouldn’t have pulled away. I would’ve let you.” He whispers, almost wishing Peter couldn’t hear him.

But he did. Peter closed his eyes and sighed. When did everything become so complicated?

When Peter failed to respond, Balth continued. 

“But I can’t be that person anymore. I can’t give myself to someone who’s not sure about me. I won’t.”

Peter moved closer to Balthazar.

“Balth, _I am_ -“

“We’re hoooooome!” Benedick’s voice came from the door, cutting Peter off.

They both looked up, realising they were sitting far closer than they thought, and they flew apart. Ben looked at them suspiciously.

“What is going on here?” He asked, flailing his index at both of them. Freddie appeared behind him, shaking her head, and she went to the kitchen.

“We were just talking, Ben” Peter said looking annoyed. “We can talk, right? There are no rules that forbid that yet.”

“No, there are not” he confirmed, still not looking reassured. “But we all know what happened the last time you talked…”

That was it. Peter got up, seething.

“Look, Ben, what we do or don’t is ours alone. It has nothing to do with you, so just go kiss your girlfriend and leave us the fuck alone!” He shouted with a red face.

“I can’t do this” Balthazar mumbled. He stood up and went for his room, bumping into Peter. “Sorry.”

And just like that, he was gone. Peter stood there, looking at Balthazar’s closed door with a worried frown.

“Thank you, Ben.” Freddie said sarcastically from the kitchen door. “Well handled. Just when Stanley was finally coming out of his room. Brilliant.”

Peter groaned and let himself fall on the sofa. Ben, seeing himself outnumbered, flee to his bedroom. Freddie offered Peter a kind smile and left too. He stayed there, looking at the ceiling, wondering what to do next.

Balth had forgotten his notebook in the living room. Peter picked it up. He thought about looking for the song his friend had been writing earlier, but he dismissed the thought immediately. He had already caused enough damage. He did not want to upset Balthazar any more.

He went to his room, carrying the notebook with him to prevent Benedick from more snooping. He left it on top of his desk and sat on the bed. It was late, but he wasn’t tired. He had a lot to think about.


	2. Let Me Distract You For A Little While

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! I originally planned this to be the last, but the boys decided they wanted more, and it was getting too long, so it's split now. Third part will be here soon.
> 
> I hope you like it!

The next day the universe seemed to have it out for Peter. He barely slept, replaying last night's conversation in his mind over and over again. He got up, tired and grumpy, to find there was no milk left for his coffee.

' _Of course there's no milk_ ' he thought, ' _Balth is always the one who buys it._ '

He sighed. Just when he thought things were getting back to how they used to, Ben waltzed in and made Balthazar retreat back to his room.

Things did not go better as the day progressed. He had woken up early for class, but since he had to stop by Boyet’s for coffee (he wouldn't be able to stay awake otherwise), he was late.

The shitty class was followed by a shitty rehearsal. His acting was far from perfect, as distracted as he was. Costa was especially irritating, making disgusted faces at his performance, and Jaquie would hit him every time he started looking out in the distance and stopped paying attention to Costa’s directions.

So obviously he was exhausted and moody by the time he arrived at the flat, only to find Benedick chatting excitedly to Freddie about the Flat Challenge that night.

“Oh, no” started Peter, shaking his left hand in front of him, “no, no, no. No flat challenge this week, please. We have enough on our plate.”

“But it’s the rules!” yelled Ben. “I organise this challenges, and I think we could all use some bonding right now.”

“Didn’t we have too much bonding, in your opinion?” Although he asked quietly, Ben heard him and made a scandalised face, opening his mouth and eyes as much as he could. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Ben.”

“I told you” singsonged Bea from the sofa. “You should just wait until the weird tension has cooled down a bit.”

Ben shook his head in a dismissive fashion. Peter groaned and threw his hands in the air, retreating to his bedroom, far from Ben’s insanity. He needed to prepare himself for that night’s impending drama.

  


A few hours later, there was Peter, sitting in the armrest of the sofa and watching sombrely while the rest discussed what they should do for the challenge. They were all there, the flatmates, their three camping guests and Rosa –all but Balthazar, who had yet to arrive from work.

“Oh, oh, I KNOW!” Bea screamed. “We could, mm, we could play charades!”

“That could be fun” Freddie agreed, nodding her head. 

“I don’t know” Kit countered. “Aren’t we too many people for that?”

“We can’t just choose it like that! Pick it from the box. The box!” Benedick was yelling at the top of his lungs while the rest ignored him and carried on.

The sound of a door closing with a bang startled them. They turned around to find Balthazar walking in, back from work with a tired expression and… a carton of milk in his hand. Of course.

Without saying one word he entered the kitchen and deposited the milk inside Fridgris Elba. Then he ventured into the living room, doing a double take when he saw them all in there. He had been so lost in thought when he came in that he hadn’t even noticed his audience. He wrapped his arms around his chest, trying to make himself smaller. He muttered a soft “hi” and gave them a small wave while clutching his elbow with his other hand.

“Balthazar! Just in time” Benedick greeted, all smiles. “We were talking about tonight’s challenge. I think we should let-”

“Sorry” interrupted Balthazar, crossing the room towards his door. “I’m not feeling very well tonight. I’m going to lay down. Play without me.”

“But Stan, you have to play. It’s the rules” Freddie cut in. 

“We’ll think of a punishment tomorrow” Balthazar countered, closing his door. Peter could have sworn he heard some bitterness in his voice, which was not a normal thing in him.

Honestly, could they just leave him alone? Peter understood that they were trying to pretend nothing happened and get back to normal, but could they not see Balthazar was hurting?

He couldn’t leave Balth alone and sulking all night. He couldn’t let his friend go through all this alone, not when it was his fault. He got up, startling everyone, and headed for the kitchen.

“You know what? I’m not playing either.”

“Peter...” 

He picked the leftover vegetarian lasagne Freddie had made for lunch and put it in two plates. Then he made some popcorn and got the water from the fridge. When he had everything balanced on a tray he crossed the living room, all eyes set on him, and knocked on Balthazar’s door with his shoulder. The boy opened after a few seconds, pyjamas already on and shaking his head.

“Pete, I’m not going to play, I’m sorry but-”

“I’m not either” Peter clarified hastily. “But I have dinner and popcorn. So… Movie night? ”

He lifted the tray to emphasise, smiling lightly at the beautiful boy in front of him. Balth looked dubiously, so Peter added:

“I’ll let you choose the movie.”

Finally Balthazar opened the door wide and made way for him. Peter let out the air he hadn’t realised he had been holding. If either of the boys had noticed the silence coming from their friends during their exchange, they ignored it. Peter entered the room and set the tray on the desk while Balth closed the door again. 

“Okay, you pick a movie, I’ll set everything up.”

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting together in bed, close but not touching, the laptop between them and dinner on their laps. Peter noticed Balth was picking on his food but not eating anything, so he set the fork on the plate and turned to look at him.

“Please, just… Eat something.”

Balthazar gave him a funny look.

“Are you, Peter Donaldson, actually telling me to eat?”

“I know, I know, I’m a hypocrite. Just eat some lasagne and popcorn.”

“You do realise it’s a weird combination, right?” He asked, looking warily at the lasagne pinched in his fork before taking a bite.

Peter breathed out and smiled.

“It works, though.” 

It wasn't long before the contents of their plates had vanished and they were set aside. They had somehow moved closer to each other and their hands took turns to grab popcorn out of the bowl in Peter's lap.

There was nothing romantic about it -just a movie night between two friends. It amazed Peter how after what had happened, their relationship had barely suffered. They joked around and threw popcorn at each other in a childish delight. Balth's laughter had been notably absent for the past few days and Peter thanked whatever was listening for giving him a chance to hear it again.

The movie was about to end when he felt the weight of Balthazar's head on his shoulder. With his free hand, Peter closed the laptop and set it aside. He watched Balth's resting face for a moment, before realising how creepy that was. He looked away, instead deciding to lay his head on top of the other boy's.

 

Morning found them in that position. Peter woke up and lifted his head. Had they really slept all night in their clothes, propped up against the headboard, limbs tangled up together?

The sunlight coming from the uncovered window confirmed it. Peter tried to extricate himself from Balthazar, but only managed to make him stir and wake up.

“Morning” Peter whispered with a fond smile.

“Mmm… What-?” Balthazar mumbled, still half asleep.

“We fell asleep. We have to get up, before Freddie or Benedick come looking for us.”

Balthazar moved away, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The adorableness of the action had Peter staring at him with his mouth half open. He caught himself before the other boy could see him. Opening the door, he checked the living room to make sure no one had woken up yet and went for a shower and a quick change of clothes. By the time he was finished, Balthazar had prepared breakfast for both of them and was eating his slowly.

Peter sat in front of him in the living room table.

“The shower’s free, if you need it” he warned Balthazar.

The other boy looked up and smiled at him.

“Yeah, just a minute.” With that, he kept on eating, sneaking glances at Peter, who was starting to get nervous.

Finally, Balthazar gathered a little courage and said:

“Hey, man, thanks for yesterday. For cheering me up and all that. I needed it.”

“It’s nothing” Peter replied truthfully. “You know I’m here if you need me.”

Balth nodded and gave him that smile that had Peter falling for him time and time again.

“Hey, you know the other day I did mean it when I said that I wanted-” 

“Can we not do this?” Balthazar cut him off once again. “It’s just, everything is going well, and I don’t want to… I don’t want to mess it up.”

He looked lost and vulnerable, and very, very small, so Peter didn’t push it. He knew they would have to figure it out once and for all, but maybe Balth was right. Maybe it wasn’t the time.

“Alright” he conceded, changing the subject. “So, do you have work today?”

“Yeah, until ten. You?” Balthazar questioned, relaxing again.

“Not work, but I do have rehearsal. I can pick you up after your shift again, if you want?” Peter asked hopefully.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

He smiled at Peter, who offered him a huge grin in return.

Maybe they weren’t communicating right then. Maybe he couldn’t win Balthazar over with words at the moment, but that was okay. If last night had proved anything, that would be that Peter could do as much good without words. Balthazar himself had admitted, once, that talking was overrated. 

He would find a way to show Balthazar that he knew him, that _he got him_. He would find a way to woo him.

Peter smiled, a plan already forming in his head.  
 


	3. If I'm Home Or With You It's The Same

Balthazar was starting to give him suspicious looks.

For the past couple of weeks, Peter had been the perfect gentleman, picking him up from work, helping him with his chores –but far away from spiders, thank you very much- and bringing him tea when he was studying. They talked about everything, from Balthazar’s music history class assignment to Faustus and its insane director, who was demanding more and more rehearsals from Peter.

They talked about everything, except the one thing.

Peter hadn’t even tried to bring up the topic again, instead deciding that, when Balth felt ready, he would do it himself. But weeks had passed, and nothing. Peter was starting to believe it would never happen, which wouldn’t really be that big of a surprise, taking into account that Balth had spent years in love with him and said nothing.

Things at the flat were normal again. Balth was back at talking and playing his music everywhere. Ben found them studying together and apologised for overreacting, asking them if they wanted him to take the video down. Peter had looked at Balthazar intently, making it clear that the decision was his. The boy had shrugged his shoulders and told him there was no point in doing that now and that he was forgiven. Ben had then proceeded to squeak, give them a group hug and run to the tent outside to tell Bea.

Meg and Bea had already returned to Auckland, since Meg had to go back to work. Kit had stayed a couple more days in the tent until a co-worker had offered him a couch to sleep in, and he had accepted.

Balthazar had realised a while ago that Peter’s behaviour towards him had shifted. He was on to him, but being the oblivious guy that he was, couldn't figure out what it meant. Or maybe he didn't want to think about it. Whatever it was, Peter had to change his tactic. He had to get bolder and braver.

The opportunity finally arise one day, walking home together after work. This time it had been Balthazar who had picked Peter up, since he had been let go early. With opening night coming up, rehearsals had been brutal lately. They left Peter feeling exhausted and battered, but seeing Balthazar out there, waving at him with his big sweater sleeves already lifted his spirits.

They were walking close in comfortable silence –it amazed Peter, how comfortable it could be- when he suddenly stopped, grabbing Balthazar's hand to halt him too. Balthazar stared at him curiously and then looked around to find what had made him stop.

Peter cleared his throat and let go of his hand, which made Balthazar turn back around to him.

"Why won't you go out with me?"

Okay, that was _not_ the way he had intended this conversation to start. Suddenly, everything he had planned and rehearsed left him. Oh, well.

"Pete, please, not again." Balthazar rolled his eyes at him, trying to hide the panic below a layer of annoyance.

"It's not again, because you refuse to do it to begin with! I've been waiting, but it's enough" Peter glowered.

Balthazar shook his head, eyes closed halfway, and turn around. He started walking home, not waiting for peter to follow.

"Stop trying to run away!" Peter screamed and Balthazar halted suddenly, but he didn't turn around. "Talk to me, dammit."

Balthazar kept his back turned, hands in fists, and didn't say a word. But he didn't leave either, so Peter took it as his cue.

"I told you already, I do want to be with you. Why won't you believe me?”

“I do believe you” Balthazar admitted, turning around and walking to him again. “But… You don’t understand.” 

“Can you explain it to me then?” Peter asked in a whisper.

“You don't know how long I've been in love with you!” Balthazar exploded. His eyes glowed with an intensity he had not seen before. “If we tried, and it didn't work, or if you got tired of me... I couldn't handle it. Maybe you could, but... Not me.”

“Who's to say that's going to happen?” Peter asked worriedly.

“I don’t know… Statistics? Experience? The thing is, I don’t want to lose you because of some feeling I can’t hide.”

“So what, you’re just gonna keep pretending there’s nothing between us and write songs about your broken heart?” Tears welled up in Peter’s eyes, but he didn’t let them fall.

“It’s easier this way” Balth muttered, now with a hint of uncertainty.

“Easy is overrated” he countered quickly. “Balth, I don’t think you get how much I want you. This... This is not new to me. I’ve known how I feel about you for a long time. I just thought that you had moved on.” Peter felt a few tears fell down his cheeks, unable to keep them in any longer. “I know you wanted a moment where everything just clicked. But, the thing is, we already clicked _years ago_. We're not going to fuck this up. This situation is only making us miserable. So please, _please_ , can we try to be happy?”

He took a deep breath and looked down, not wanting Balthazar to see him crying. He saw the other boy’s feet take a step closer. Peter looked up again. His friend’s face was close, so close, this eyes full of pain and regret. He could sense Balthazar’s resolve crumbling. This finally gave him the courage to do what he had wanted to for months.

He dried his eyes with his sleeve, and asked:

“Go out with me tomorrow night?”

“A date?” Balthazar asked with a smile, looking coy.

“Of course. We could go to the cinema, or that vegan restaurant you like. Or we could find a bar with live music. Whatever you like.”

“What about the curfew?” Balth asked, swinging their joined hands between them.

“Who cares about the curfew?” Peter smirked.

“This is-” Balthazar started, shaking his head lightly, “we’re going to break all the rules.”

“Fuck the rules,” declared Peter, taking a step towards him so they were inches apart, their breaths mixing together. They were filled with a strong sense of _deja vú_.

Balthazar smiled wholeheartedly and repeated:

“Fuck the rules.”

Everything stayed still for a moment that could have lasted an eternity, and then Peter’s hands were on Balthazar’s hip, pulling him closer, and their lips brushed against each other. It was soft, barely a caress. It gave Balth the opportunity to pull away. But then his hands rose to Peter’s face, tracing his cheekbones and his jawline. One of them drifted to his nape, and Balth was pulling, drawing him close.

The kiss became more passionate as their lips opened and tongues touched for the first time. Peter’s hands curled around Balthazar’s waist. They became bigger and bolder under each other’s touch. Peter moaned when the other boy’s hands caressed his hair.

Their bodies clung together even when their lips drew apart. Their foreheads bumped against each other. Their breaths became one, warm and sweet, choked with emotion. They smiled at each other tenderly and then giggled while their hands met at their sides and their fingers linked together.

Someone walked past them and Balthazar took a step back, suddenly bashful, one of his hands still holding on to Peter's tightly. Peter was grateful about the fact that the street had been deserted during their conversation.

“We should go home” Balthazar suggested, turning bright red.

“I thought we said fuck the rules” Peter said casually, ignoring Balthazar’s attempts of getting further away for decency’s sake.

“It’s not about that. I’m just hungry. It’s dinnertime.” Just that moment Balthazar’s stomach roared.

Peter laughed, happy and carefree. He grabbed his friend’s –boyfriends?- hand and pulled, setting them in motion.

“Come on then” he said. “We can pick up a pizza on our way home. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like heaven” Balthazar answered. “I’ll call Fred and Ben to warn them.”

They held hands all the way home and only tore apart when they were at their doorstep. Balthazar looked at him, raising one eyebrow.

“What should we tell them then?”

“Well, communication worked well on Bea and Ben, and it’s helped us too, so maybe we should keep that up” Peter suggested.

“Communication was meant to be for relationships” Balthazar reminded him.

“It could apply to the flat too, right?” Peter asked, taking a step in Balth’s direction and taking his hand. “I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to keep pretending.” He admitted in a low voice.

Balthazar laid his forehead against Peter, their breaths mingling together.

“Me neither” Balthazar agreed.

“But, if Ben wants to punish us for this…” He didn’t finish the sentence, and he didn’t have to. Balthazar understood perfectly what Peter had been meaning to ask.

“Then we suffer through it together. That is not going to drive us apart, Peter” he assured. “Not after how long it took us to get here. And it’s not like they are going to kick us out or anything. They’ll get used to it.”

“They can’t really be mad for this” Peter said. “Ben has actively been trying to get us together for months.”

They both knew that, of course. And Ben thought he was being sneaky, with his hand signals and eye rolls.

They tore apart, facing the door, fingers still intertwined.

“Ready?” Balthazar asked, giving him a broad smile.

He nodded. As long as Balthazar was right next to him, he was home.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please let me know!
> 
> Find me on tumblr: [findanotherreasontosmile](http://findanotherreasontosmile.tumblr.com/)


End file.
